July 1, 2022

I’m back

I have been silent. For too long.

There were more than enough extenuating circumstances to rationalize my retreat from public debates. Covid infections for me and my wife, hers more serious than mine. A slow recovery with long-covid symptoms before our vaccinations, plus repeated clashes with Covid deniers. The deaths of two friends, — both peers and colleagues for more than 40 years, each one about a year apart — were depressing reminders of getting older. Fatigue from futile Facebook debates with Trump-addled brains before and up to and after the 2020 election. All combined into a seething cauldron of self-doubt, depression and latent anger about the state of the world, while trying to find meaning in being a writer. Instead of believing in the possibilities, I questioned whether I had anything to say, or whether it would matter even if I did.

I had a moment of clarity in the midst of my struggles; a friend of mine, upon seeing me for the first time since before the pandemic last October, said, “Hi. Gee, you’re really a Facebook bully.” I have just recently thanked him for the comment because it brought me to my senses, at least temporarily. I pulled the plug on 99 percent of my political commentary on FB, stopped getting upset at the absurdities about the election and Covid posted by people who I once thought were intelligent human beings and tried to devote time to things that made me feel better: Playing my guitar and writing music; Cooking at a higher level of competency and creativity; Devoting more consistent time to my always problematic golf game; Preparing for my daughter’s wedding last year; Getting in the best shape I have been in since we lived in Paris in the late 80s. In some ways, the hiatus has been restorative and beneficial.

But something has been missing. And it’s gone on too long. On top of everything else, having writer’s block or at least a fear of public exposition of my thoughts, has also interfered with my second novel, 20/20. I know it’s time to put the anxieties in the rear view mirror, smash through the writer’s block and get moving forward again. Frankly, the advent of my 70th birthday in a few months is as much a motivation as anything; times a wastin’ as they say.

This is not the relaunch of my Facebook wars. Just a return to putting my thoughts down, and publishing them in my blog, on gordonmottauthor.com — the link will take you directly to the site. Once there, I will also have a FOLLOW button where you can input your email, and get alerts when I publish the next one. If you want to read something other than the headline, or first sentence, you’ll have to visit the site; I also will always post the link. I haven’t set a schedule yet, or topics, but I can assure you I won’t be publishing more than two a month. Of course, full disclosure here, that helps me because that website is also the primary vehicle to tout my fiction: 10/10 is still available. I even can deliver signed copies, if anyone desires; just let me know in the comments section and I’ll be in touch. 20/20 is underway, slowly, with some re-imagining of the narrative to make it more personal and coincidentally more current. I keep being reminded of Thomas Wolfe’s, “You Can’t Go Home Again” as I try to find a narrative vein that speaks to me, and maybe universally, to all of us. But from the seeds of our youth, perhaps come insight into our present. From time to time, I’ll publish finished excerpts.

Here’s to building a more perfect union. Now is not the time to stay silent.